Child Development

I want to address a typical parental concern that I continue to encounter, both in my role as a martial arts teacher, and as a fellow parent. This is in the difficulty that several parents typically encounter in obtaining their youth student to martial arts class only to be even much more confused at their child’s enthusiasm when they are in fact in class. “I have to fight to get them here,” or “He just wants to play with his friends,” are typical complaints that I hear from frustrated parents.

Often, these parents think about letting their son or daughter quit but then come to locate that’s not what the child wants. “How,” they ask me, “can he want to maintain training but fight me when it’s time to come?”

They locate it extremely hard to understand the contradiction between having to fight to get their child to class and the truth that they have so much fun when they get there.

To solve the ‘mystery’ and get rid of the misunderstanding we ought to 1st recognize the way a child thinks and the way their brain has developed to this point in their young lives.

What makes them resist coming to class but get pleasure from it once they are here? The answer is…

…timing.

And this, is linked to the physiological development and growth of their brain.

Quite frankly, youngsters (and some adults) have not developed an understanding of the concept of scheduling and timing. That is to say that, once they have become involved in some thing, that is what they want to do. Anything else, regardless of how pleasurable or required, at that moment is seen as a hindrance to ‘this moment’s fun.’ Whether or not it is watching TV or playing with their buddies, or whatever, once a child becomes involved in something, anything, that “thing” gets ALL of their attention – period.

Don’t blame the child or believe that you must be a bad parent or the only 1 dealing with this sort of factor. It is completely natural. The reality of the matter is that…

…your child can’t do what you ask because…

1) He or she is NOT an adult in a smaller body

2) The parts of the brain that procedure this type of information and data, very literally, hasn’t developed yet, and…

3) He or she has been ALLOWED to get involved in something that you know will capture his or her attention just before you will need them to go to class

And, therein lies the secret for overcoming both the frustration and the confusion. Just don’t allow your young martial artist to get into anything that you KNOW will make him or her not want to stop when it’s time to go to martial arts or karate class.

Won’t they go stir-crazy? What’s a child to do even though waiting?

Very good question. And the answer is…

…practice “preparing for class.” This basic step will truly help your child to develop the skills you’re searching for and promote brain growth in those areas.

So, instead of letting them drift into TV Land or whatever, at least for the hour or so just before you’ll be leaving for class, have them “get ready.” Make it a rule that they have to make certain that they have their uniform, belt, and equipment. Have them practice their moves by “showing you what they learned last class” or “what their favorite strategies are.”

We as parents and teachers, should help our kids over these moments with gentle reminders of other commitments and necessities until they understand this for themselves. Sadly, until a child learns to project their thought processes forward to particular time periods (as opposed to the general “can we ____ sometime?” or “when will it be tomorrow?”) they will have to be taken away from things they are engaged in ‘at the moment.’ I know it’s rough, but it’s also “natural.” And, no amount of wishing for an less complicated job as a parent will make your child’s brain work any differently. The truth is that, until this skill develops, YOU will have to be there as a stand-in to help them via.

So, the next time you have to do something like coming to martial arts class, try giving your child a “heads-up” just before they turn into involved in any activity. Once they get in the habit of thinking ahead and preparing for a future event, they will do much more and a lot more of it on their own. Until then, it will take a small nudging, prodding, and reminding. But then once more, if it didn’t, we parents would be out of a job!